The world isn't reorienting itself fast enough. Outer change never did seem to catch up with the inner. But now I'm no where near any of those big, predetermined transitionary stages in life. The great leap into college was refreshing, but I'm here now and graduation is still a far way off.
I love the people I know here, and love them for what they know of me, whenever it was they met me, and where I was in my development when they did. Still, I want to start over. There's really nothing better than a clean slate and those first few weeks when new friends prod and poke and figure themselves out. And it's not that I've been without this experience recently -- I'm blessed to say I have. But why must this stage of exploration and malleability ever wear off? Why do we get comfortable with our second selves? Surely no one ever stops changing, the answers to the greater and lesser questions in life don't stay the same.
I guess I'm feeling trapped by expectation and frustrated not to have any clear means of expressing the change I feel.
And maybe that's what's "wrong" with this semester.
Or maybe I'm very susceptible to the changing weather and all the tumblings in my head are the result of the onset of fall. Could be.
But I doubt it.
Long term solution pending. Short term solution: shave head, get tattoo(s), drop out and move to Ghana.
The end.
(Pssst: I'm a happy kid, but a thoughtful one. You are to mistake "thoughtful" as "mopey" on penalty of being mistaken.)
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