We need acid proof folders for the mind.

Before I left for Japan, my former roommates took a couple weeks to compile a kind of mental list: if Bess were one of those dolls that could talk, what would be the phrases she cycled through when you pulled the long white string protruding from her back?

They parroted me relentlessly in high-pitched, cooing voices: "I need to hydrate!" "Where're my keys!" "Eeeko!"

There were more. But I can't remember them. How fast did that become the distant past?

Anyway, to the point. Another, new, Bess the She-Really-Talks! doll phrase keeps running through my head. "That's not archivally sound!"

And it's been on my mind. How will I ever preserve all this?

Talked about these and other such thoughts with Julia last night on the roof. She felt the same way, and we elaborated that feeling together: How many firsts have we all had here? A Harry Potter length book could not describe the growth I've seen in any single of my friends here. Not Kiti, Julia, Arina, Ruba, Anne or myself. And I can't quite get at the love – I don't know another word for it – I feel for those here who've witness all the changes in me. They see me with different eyes than anyone else in this world, and in some ways I think maybe they will always know me better.

We talked about other things. Relationships, friendships, parents, school, confidence. Julia reminded me of something I all too easily forget: my awkwardness (and my god am I awkward) comes from being comfortable with myself. My awkwardness is confidence. I've spent too much mental energy fighting that.

Last night was the fire festival – forgive me for forgetting the Japanese word. It was, like every Japanese festival, awesome but a little underwhelming. We stood on a small mountain and watched another mountain being lit with a gigantic "dai" symbol (大). There was another one we couldn't quite make out. It was far away, but you could see the flames whip about. It didn't photograph well, at all. But I love it when that happens. Just affirms to me that some things can only be captured in the experience.