It seems my body has decided that there aren't enough hours in the day. As such it has been adding time to the end of them. Somehow I'm just not getting enough time to wind down. I rarely accomplish anything after 11 pm anymore. Mostly I sit and listen to music and let my head do its thing, which for the first time in a long time, is a good thing. No over-analyzing. No agonizing. Just processing and repositioning.
It's hard to tell what has changed. I mean, that's silly. I know. But beyond that, what's different? Half a year can change a person entirely, and this past week has been the first time I've realized just how altered I am.
This may not be news to some, but by golly, I think I might actually turn out okay. After so many years -- truly, an entire lifetime -- of struggling to find my place, now, all of the sudden, I don't feel the need to look anymore. I'll be happy. I think that maybe I am happy. I'm okay with "now." Now is a good place to be.
Where was I when that happened? And who should I write the check to?
Somehow, it's when I stop trying that I get what I'm after, often in an entirely different way than I wanted.
Now I'm going to go stop trying to go to sleep.
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